


The Only Reason We Met...

by orphan_account



Category: Come From Away - Sankoff & Hein
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Diane is feeling a ton of survivor's guilt once she returns home. Will she be able to put her guilt aside and grant herself happiness?
Relationships: Diane Gray/Nick Marson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The Only Reason We Met...

The shrill ring of the phone on her bedside table roused Diane from her light sleep. She hadn’t been sleeping, she’d been lying against the pillow with her eyes closed trying to get some rest. It was too empty, too quiet and — if she was being honest — she was too anxious about speaking to the person on the other end of the phone. 

She lifted the receiver to her ear. “Hello,” she mumbled, surprised to hear the exhaustion in her voice. 

“Diane?” answered a familiar voice, “it’s Nick.”

Diane sighed in relief. It hadn’t even been necessary for him to say who it was, Diane could tell from the way he said her name alone. 

_“Diane?”_ he’d always asked softly and tentatively when he’d wanted to see if she was okay. 

_“Diane,”_ he’d whispered breathlessly after they shared the first of many kisses on the plane. 

_“Diane,”_ he’d said now with a palpable amount of relief flooding his voice as if he was astonished that she was really there, that she’d really picked up, that she really wanted to speak to him. 

Every time he said her name, it felt like a vow or a promise, something more meaningful than one’s name should be.

Nick’s voice over the phone interrupted her thoughts. “Diane, are you still there?”

Diane nearly smacked herself, over the phone he hadn’t been able to see her expression as she reminisced fondly of their time together. He would think she was ignoring him and had hung up. “I’m here,” she said quickly, before she added, “it’s good to hear your voice.” 

“Yours too,” Nick replied and Diane felt her heart flutter. “I know it’s ungodly early in Dallas, but I just got back to my flat and I promised I’d call, so here I am. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Even over the phone, Diane could hear the carefulness of his words and the hesitation in his voice. “No, you didn’t. I wasn’t sleeping anyway. It’s too empty, too quiet.”

She heard Nick huff a laugh. “Being alone is quite a contrast to 700 roommates.”

“Exactly,” Diane agreed. She paused for a second to think, “though I don’t think it’s everyone I miss.”

“Oh,” Nick answered and Diane could detect a slight influx of surprise in his voice. She had a feeling he knew what she was going to say, but she said the words regardless, in case her sentiment hadn’t quite gotten across. 

“I miss you. I can hardly believe we’re an entire ocean apart. Waking up and not finding you close feels different, and wrong, and strange,” she blurted feeling a small weight lifted from her shoulders at the confession. She inhaled sharply to steady herself. “Nick, I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Nick answered, she could hear relief flood his voice, clearly he was happy to be able to admit those feelings as well. “I had five messages on my answering machine when I got back, I assume all from work, but you were the first person I wanted to call.”

Diane’s breath hitched, she was astonished by the effect he continued to have on her, even over the phone. “God, Nick, what if those messages contained something important?” Diane asked. From their many lengthy conversations, Diane had learned that work was something of great value to Nick. Without much personal connection in London, he was, to put it bluntly, ‘married to his job.’ Diane had thought the idea was a little sad at first, but then she realized she would likely be in the same boat if not for her sister and David. It was easier to fill empty hours with conferences, meetings, and paperwork than with nothing. The idea that he’d wanted to speak to her before finding out why his company had left a startling five messages over five days was shocking and made her heart race. _Maybe he’s just as deep in this as I am._

“You’re right, they may be important, but…” Diane heard him sharply inhale over the phone as he was readying himself to admit something meaningful. “I have a feeling you’re more important.” She heard him laugh, more openly than his huffed laughter from before. “Isn’t that crazy? I’ve known you for all of five days and I’ve already decided, quite certainly for that matter, that you’re more important than the job I’ve worked for 30 years?”

Diane gasped at his admission, it certainly wasn’t what she expected and was beyond what she hoped. “It’s not crazy at all,” she answered. She didn’t want to say too much too soon, so she subtly steered the conversation in another direction. “So… what will you do now you’re back?”

“Well, once I check to see what those messages are, go back to work, probably. I don’t think things have changed for them, over here.”

“So, everything will go back to normal?” Diane couldn’t quite keep the disappointment from her voice.

“No,” Nick answered. “To be honest, I’m not sure if there is a “normal” anymore. Things may not have changed over here, but I’ve changed.”

“I’ve changed, too,” Diane admitted carefully. “I feel like Diane from Before and Diane from After are completely different people.” 

“From before and after Gander?” Nick asked. 

“Yes,” Diane lied, she wasn’t quite ready to admit that the state of before and after were not quite relative to Gander, but relative to him. To Nick. She wondered if he could hear the hesitance in her voice.

Diane yawned only then realizing how tired she was, how the minimal sleep she’d gotten the night before was affecting her. “Diane,” he began gently, “you sound exhausted, I can call you again at a more reasonable time.”

Diane felt her eyes drooping. “Thank you,” she replied. “I don’t know how successful I’ll be, but I’m going to try and get some sleep.”

“That seems wise,” Nick agreed. “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

Diane couldn’t help but smile at the endearment. She held the phone against her ear until she heard the buzz of the dial tone, before hanging up the phone and closing her eyes, trying to claim some much-needed sleep.

* * *

She and Nick settled into a routine of daily phone calls, talking about everything and nothing at all. Even with the great distance between them and a certain amount of longing colouring their conversations, it still felt easy to chat with Nick. 

It wasn’t difficult to understand why her heart fluttered when she heard his voice and why she smiled as she listened to him speak. She was in love with him. It should have been startling, been terrifying that she’d gone from not knowing Nick at all to being completely and utterly in love with him in such a short time. But it was none of those things, it simply felt inevitable. The idea that she loved him felt right, and good, and above all that it made her happy.

It didn’t seem fair how happy it made her. 

Talking to Nick on the phone made her endlessly happy, but as the news continued to loop footage of the horrific events from New York, a disturbing thought entered Diane’s head.

Why did she deserve to be happy when everyone around her seemed to be suffering?

Why did she deserve to find something new and truly wonderful when the rest of her country was grieving such a tremendous loss?

Why did she deserve to fall in love with someone so perfect and kind in the wake of such horrific circumstances?

The answer was simple. She didn’t.

The new realization weighed down on Diane like a rock, like an anchor, dragging her down, causing her to sink into an ocean of guilt. She didn’t deserve the happiness and bliss of new love, she deserved to feel the same heartbreak and anguish as everyone else. 

She sat on her bed sobbing that evening as the phone rang and refused to answer. When the phone finally stopped ringing, it took all the restraint Diane had not to lift the receiver to her ear and dial Nick’s number, making up some dumb excuse about missing his call. 

She didn’t deserve the happiness that talking to him, that loving him brought her, so, therefore, she wouldn’t grant it to herself at all. 

That was the night Diane stopped answering her phone when he called.

* * *

The phone often rang several times a night, but Diane never answered. She was tempted at several points to unplug the phone, but she never did. Perhaps she knew it made her more miserable to know that she could call Nick if she wanted to. She could so easily grant herself the relief of talking to him again, yet she never did. If she didn’t deserve happiness, she wouldn’t receive happiness. It was as simple as that. 

* * *

The phone continued to ring multiple times a night, Diane still feeling too plagued with guilt to answer. _The phone didn’t ring at all last night_ , Diane thought to herself as she swirled her teabag around in the hot water that filled her mug. Perhaps Nick too had finally come to understand that they didn’t deserve to be happy, not with everyone else in so much pain.

A knock on the door startled Diane from her thoughts. _Who could that possibly be?_ she wondered, still not rising from her seat. The knock came again, slightly more insistent and Diane forced herself to stand to make her way towards the door. It wouldn’t be David, it was the middle of the day and he had work and she knew her sister was working too. _Could it be…?_ Diane asked herself, before quickly dismissing the irrational hope with a shake of her head. She took a deep breath and finally swung the door open to greet the figure standing there.

He was exactly as she remembered. A different jacket and shirt of course, but everything else was the same.

“Nick…” she murmured, still unable to believe her eyes. 

_What was he doing here?_

_Shouldn’t he be in London?_

_Had he flown across the Atlantic just to see her?_

Diane blinked before she realized how inhospitable she was being. “Come in,” she said, reaching for his small suitcase and wheeling it into the entranceway. When Nick had stepped over the threshold, Diane reached to close the door behind him. She was trembling and the thud of the door slamming was louder than she intended.

She couldn’t believe he was there and couldn’t help herself from reaching out to press a hand to his chest. A certain relief flooded her at the feel of his heartbeat steady beneath her palm. “You’re really here,” she murmured, still unable to believe it. Diane wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest as she sobbed. The relief of seeing him again was more than she believed possible. Nick returned her embrace, rubbing gentle circles on her back and Diane swore she felt him drop a kiss into her hair. 

She pulled away, feeling her tears forming a wet patch on his shirt and blushed when she realized her makeup was likely unsalvageable. She couldn’t quite keep the next words from falling from her mouth. “What are you doing here?”

“I called you,” he said simply. “A lot, actually.” 

Diane nodded at him, guilt beginning to flow through her. “I know.” She felt tears beginning to again well in her eyes.

“You didn’t pick up,” he added, wringing his hands nervously. “Well you did the first few times, but then…” he shook his head. “I couldn’t help but worry.”

“I’m sorry,” Diane replied, she was crying now, she could feel tears lightly spilling down her cheeks.

Nick’s eyes widened and Diane couldn’t tell if the dominant emotion in them was confusion or concern. His eyes softened when they met hers, the negative emotions melting away. His voice was soft and gentle. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” he reassured her, reaching out to take one of her hands. Diane’s breath caught, the contact sparking warmth up her entire arm.

Diane shook her head, unable to stop herself from continuing to apologize. Nick was here, she felt she owed him something. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up your calls, and that I made you worry, and that I effectively made you fly across the Atlantic,” Diane blurted.

Nick huffed a laugh. “Well you didn’t make me do the last of those things, I think I should get some credit.” Diane didn’t laugh, but a slow smile spread across her face. She felt a bit more at ease with his joke. 

“If you don’t mind me asking,” he began with his usual careful consideration — one of the traits that attracted Diane to him the most, both at first and still now, “why didn’t you pick up the phone?”

Diane knew he would ask her that particular question and well, he was here — he’d flown across an ocean to see her — so she figured she owed him an explanation. She stood for a while, not quite sure how to articulate it before she settled on, “it isn’t fair.”

Nick didn’t quite understand her sentiment, his eyes widening again at her words. “What isn’t fair?” he asked gently. 

“Everything,” Diane answered, blinking back more tears. “That woman, who was stranded in Gander, her son was a firefighter and she couldn’t get ahold of him or even our pilot who knew the pilot whose plane crashed into the Pentagon. It isn’t fair that there is all this suffering and all this pain and all this misery. And I…” She paused, unsure how much she should say. 

“Go on,” he prompted her.

“I’m not miserable,” she confessed. “Well, that’s not quite what I mean, but I…” She winced at her awkwardness. “I was miserable when you left, and it was such a relief to hear your voice when you called, talking with you was always so easy. But that’s when I decided,” she interlaced their fingers. “It’s not fair.”

Nick didn’t speak, he was waiting for her to continue and Diane took a deep breath to steady herself. “My memories of our time in Gander,” she began before correcting herself, “of my time with you, I think they’re the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Nick's eyes on her were still kind and patient, encouraging her to continue. “How is it fair that we’ve…” Diane paused feeling warmth in her cheeks, she didn’t want to presume anything on Nick’s end. “That I’ve found happiness in all of that misery. How is it fair that I’ve…?”

Diane knew what she wanted to say, knew the confession she wanted to make, her heart thudding against her ribs, but she couldn’t seem to find the words. Actions were always easier. She leaned forward, sliding her hand up to cup his jaw before she kissed him.

They both froze for a second and Diane feared she had made a mistake, but that fear vanished when he matched her kiss with more intensity than she dared to dream. Diane felt him untangle their hands so he could wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her as close to him as he could manage. It was such a relief to be kissing Nick again, to be able to map his skin with her trembling hand, to recognize his mouth moving under hers as familiar. It was everything she remembered from those hours on the plane, but better, especially without the awkward airplane seating arrangement. 

When he eased away, Diane was tempted to chase his mouth again, but she resisted, sliding her hand down from his jaw to rest on the curve of his shoulder. He’d come here clearly wanting an explanation and she’d still not given him one. As much as she hoped kissing him would suffice, she knew she just it would be so much easier to have this conversation if she simply said what she meant.

“How is it fair that after all this tragedy, that I’m on the verge of feeling the happiest I’ve ever been? How is it fair that I’ve…” Diane swallowed the nerves building up again, but the fondness in Nick’s eyes and his gentle smile were encouraging. “That I’ve fallen in love with you?”

The smile on Nick’s face grew wider, his eyes shining with affection. “It’s not fair,” he agreed, reaching once more for her hand. “But can I try and put your mind at ease?”

Diane nodded, trying to steady her breathing and calm her pounding heart rate. Her eyes fluttered closed when Nick leaned in close again. “I love you, too,” he murmured against her mouth, before settling into a proper kiss. This one was gentler than the first, less urgent and filled with desire, soothing even. His hand moved to cup her cheek, lingering there even after they parted, gently stroking, caressing. Diane couldn’t repress a shiver as his delicate touch.

“I felt guilty too, at first,” Nick admitted carefully, his thumb still brushing her cheek. “But then I thought about something.”

“What’s that?” Diane asked.

Nick gave a small laugh, his eyes crinkling and continuing to shine with affection. “Well I thought, isn’t this the perfect opposite of what should have happened?”

Diane was quite sure where he was going, but she was eager to hear the rest of what Nick had to say. “I’m not quite sure what you mean,” she confessed. 

“I mean, it did with the people of Gander,” Nick continued, “they came together and helped us in the wake of such a grand tragedy. Even when the world seems so impossibly dark, so impossibly hopeless, the best and the brightest can emerge. And that’s the exact opposite of what someone who does something like this wants, isn’t it? Their goal is to turn people against one another, make them afraid and angry, to drive them apart. Instead, I’ve never, in my life, witnessed more people coming together.”

He took a deep breath. “Just because we feel guilty, Diane, that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be happy. I think that guilt will always be there, but you make me happy, and I want the opportunity to make you happy too.”

Diane liked this newfound confidence Nick was displaying, it was unbelievably attractive. He made a strong argument, too, one she could maybe see herself using to lessen the guilt that continued to fill her. “So you’re saying, this thing, between us, is like a ‘fuck you’ towards the universe?”

Nick smiled wider and nodded. “Exactly.” He tucked a loose strand of Diane’s hair behind her ear. “Would that work? I mean… does that make you feel any better?”

Diane felt her lips curve up in a small tentative smile. It would take some work, but Nick was here and she was certain she loved him and for the first time in a while, she wanted to try. “You know, I think it might.” She slid her hand down his arm to reach for his free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” she said, leaning forward to press the words to his mouth in a gentle kiss.

When she drew back and met Nick’s kind eyes, she could finally say what she needed to say. “I love you,” she said almost as if she was testing out how the words felt. Instead of being filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt and helplessness — as she had been the first time she realized just how deep her feelings for Nick were — she felt blissfully happy.

“And I love you,” Nick replied, a grin spreading across his face, one Diane could feel matched in her expression. 

It was then that a realization hit her. “Oh my gosh, Nick, what about your work?”

“Well, that’s another reason I flew over here.” The affection that had been pouring from his eyes had been replaced with a small amount of apprehension. “I must tell you something and I hope that it’s okay that I didn’t tell you beforehand, but there was no guarantee back then, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up, and you weren’t answering your phone and…”

Diane gently rearranged their joined hands and offered a gentle squeeze. Nick was so often kind and considerate — as he had been when he’d done everything to ease the guilt flowing through her veins — but his nerves still made him ramble on occasion. “Nick, just tell me.”

“I’m moving to Dallas,” he blurted.

Diane’s eyes widened with surprise and her heart rate shot up. “I got offered a job here, from a company, a better company. They’re already more accommodating of my heart condition, they’ve promised to not make me travel at all, actually. Would that be okay?”

Diane laughed, feeling fresh tears in her eyes. “Why would that not be okay?”

“I didn’t want to presume…” Nick began, before Diane cut him off with a kiss, only pulling away when she knew she’d stopped his nervous words.

“Stay here, in Dallas, with me, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier.”

“I like the sound of that,” Nick murmured, leaning in to kiss her again.

**Author's Note:**

> As we learned, I'm basically incapable of making angst last for very long. As always, leave a comment if you enjoyed this! I'd really appreciate it!


End file.
